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© Kelley Keehn

> dog & cat diaries

( This was so funny and well-written I had to add it to my site. If you are the author of this piece or know who it is, please contact me so I can provide a link to your website and send you a complimentary copy of one of my books)

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am     Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am     A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am     A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am  Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM     Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM     Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM    Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM    Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM    Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
 
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:  

Day 683 of my captivity:


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped   this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However,they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
 
There was some sort of assembly of their   accomplices   tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the  duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.  
 
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to  be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain  that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated  cell,
so he is safe.......for now...